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My daughter is 6 years old and just started the 1st grade. She has always had great social skills and lots of friends. I have a 2 part problem and could use some advice. A little girl in my daughter's class has become extremely attached to her...to the point where this little girl is being mean to anyone else that wants to play with my daughter. She is now trying to become the 'leader' in the friendship and I'm hearing from other children's parents that their kids are saying that this little girl won't even let my daughter speak to other kids! Of course, I've told my daughter that she needs to speak up for herself..and I'm condident that she will, once she gets fed up enough. But I can tell that my daughter feels trapped. She seems to really like the littel girl when they play one on one, but she also has other friends that she wants (and should) play with. She tells me she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. (Tough situation for a 6 year old kid to be in) The bigger problem, I believe, is that this little girl's mom..who I don't know very well... is also quite possessive. Sending me text messages throughout the day at work. Constantly asking my daughter to go on playdates before even checking with me!! And, she's not getting the hint when I say no. I've spoken to the teacher about it and she is going to observe more closely how the kids are interacting. I don't want to be an alarmist, but I don't have a very good feeling about this mother and her daughter's fixation with my child. Any advice?

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SchoolFamily Q&A: Bullying/Teasing/Peer Pressure

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Question:

How to handle a possessive friend and her pushy parent?

Asked by lbaco in Bullying/Teasing/Peer Pressure


My daughter is 6 years old and just started the 1st grade. She has always had great social skills and lots of friends. I have a 2 part problem and could use some advice.

  1. A little girl in my daughter's class has become extremely attached to her...to the point where this little girl is being mean to anyone else that wants to play with my daughter. She is now trying to become the "leader" in the friendship and I'm hearing from other children's parents that their kids are saying that this little girl won't even let my daughter speak to other kids! Of course, I've told my daughter that she needs to speak up for herself..and I'm condident that she will, once she gets fed up enough. But I can tell that my daughter feels trapped. She seems to really like the littel girl when they play one on one, but she also has other friends that she wants (and should) play with. She tells me she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. (Tough situation for a 6 year old kid to be in)

  2. The bigger problem, I believe, is that this little girl's mom..who I don't know very well... is also quite possessive. Sending me text messages throughout the day at work. Constantly asking my daughter to go on playdates before even checking with me!! And, she's not getting the hint when I say no. I've spoken to the teacher about it and she is going to observe more closely how the kids are interacting. I don't want to be an alarmist, but I don't have a very good feeling about this mother and her daughter's fixation with my child.

Any advice?


Answers:

Answers from SchoolFamily.com

cmccarthy writes:
As a parent, I would definitely start to "pull back," particularly from the mother's interruptions at your work. I would initiate play dates with other children from the class, to increase your child's interactions with a wider range of children. I would also ask the teacher to separate the girls if they sit at the same table, or at nearby desks. As a first grade teacher, I can understand how your daughter would feel trapped. She wants to say "no" without being unkind. The best way to give her the proper language to use is to role play situations that might occur. For example, try "acting out" one of the school situations, with you playing your daughter's part, and your daughter being the other girl. This way you can model what to say, such as, when the other girl says "Come play with me," you say, "I'm playing with Keri now, but if you would like you can play with us too." I would also inform the teacher of your strategies. Stay close to the teacher on this one, because she or he is the only one who can intervene on your daughter's behalf during the school day.~ Connie, (read my blog at: Connie's Classroom (PreK-2))

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