Schoolfamily.com - Helping parents help their kids succeed at school

Yes, it sounds like things have gotten better. My advice would have been to allow it to play out the way it will. Middle school children change friendships often. They have a lot going on with various activities, and clubs. This often brings about revolving friendships. I am glad your daughter is happier now. Let her know she will make many friends during these years. Tell her by being open to others and doing activites she enjoys, she will have many friends.

Hey undersharer, sonia2, & Lisa- Thanks for your help! An update: things have improved. She has been doing field hockey clinics and has connected with some new kids and is less focused on her old friends... so you were right about the outside activities undersharer.

Undersharer & Sonia3kids- thanks so much for sharing your insight! JD2000- it's tough to see our kids go through this stuff, isn't it? For my kids, I just keep reassuring them that middle school is a time to meet new friends, and sometimes there are going to be shifts in friendships (that are painful) and that's normal. We also emphasize not to "write people off" -- that everyone is in the same boat and trying to figure out who they are ... that someone who is standoffish to you now, may mature and grow and end up being your close friend 2 years from now. Also, I'm a big fan of using books to shed some outside light on situations. Real Friends vs. the Other Kind, by Annie Fox is a great book that might help your daughter. ~ Lisa

I was a middle school teacher and am now a parent of a middle schooler. I think it's okay (actually, a good thing) to break away from long time BFs. Personally, I have PTA friends, work friends, gym friends... my kids have bus friends, dance friends, in my class this year friends, etc. They move up and down in ranking. I think it's natural. The difficulty for school kids is that all their friends see each other every day. So, our limited social experience children feel like they are required to play an intense social politics game at school. This may sound counter-intuitive, but I say... put the pressure on - ACADEMIC PRESSURE. Doing your best in school and staying focused in the classroom makes you look naturally confident, capable and smart. All kids want this. Outside of school, provide lots of opportunities for supervised, but unstructured, social get-togethers. Go do things she enjoys with friends - so she can remain true to herself and show others who she is. Most importantly, let her choose her own friends. Parent engineered friendships pile more pressure on. That was more than my two cents. Good luck. It's not easy...

Hello; I'm just going with instints here: Does your daughter and this best friend, see each other outside of the school. If yes: You can start with that, plan something with the both of them and see where it leads. If no: then talk to your daughter by telling her a story (even if you have to make one up) about a best friend that you had and then she wasnt your best friend anymore but you still saw her and talk to her everyonce in a while. and that is was ok to just do that. (something in those lines). Well I hope this was useful. Its my first time responding to a parent, and I wouldnt tell someone to do something i wouldnt think of doing myself.