Don’t just ask, “What grade did you get,” says family psychologist Rob Guttenberg.

That emphasizes evaluation and competition. Children feel like failures if they don’t “make the grade.” Even good students can get depressed. They get tired of “running the race” to be the best.

Instead, suggests Guttenberg, focus on the process of learning. Ask questions like these:

• What did you learn this semester (in math, literature, science, social studies, etc.)?

• What was the most difficult?

• What was easy/easier for you this time?

• What was the most enjoyable?

• What do you wish you would have done differently?

• What will you do differently next semester?

• What help do you need?

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