Here are

some tips for handling this delicate situation:

• Think about why you don’t approve of your child’s friend. Is it based on something specific? For example, do you smell smoke on your child’s clothes and breath when he comes home from seeing this friend?

• Plan your response. Often, the best course is to say nothing. Trust your child, and give the friend a chance. But speak honestly to your child if you have a specific reason for disapproving of the friendship. “Every time you see Joe, you come home smelling like cigarette smoke. I am very concerned about that.”

• Tell your child where you stand. “I do not allow you to smoke.” And help him resist negative behavior. For example, he could practice different ways of saying “No, thanks.”

• Keep an eye on things. Many middle school friendships are brief, and problems simply disappear. But take action if the friendship lasts and you see your child headed into harm’s way.

Steer him toward school or community activities that will allow him to meet more people. If the friendship continues, monitor their activities closely.

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