10 Things Teachers Don’t Want To Hear From Parents

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All teachers want to hear from parents. But there are some things parents say that simply drive teachers crazy.

Writer Natalie Schwartz, who conducts workshops on parent-teacher relationships, says she’s not surprised the dynamic can sometimes be stressful. Parents are passionate about their kids, and teachers are equally devoted to their work. When emotions run high, sometimes the things parents say don’t come out the best way. Most parents work well with their child’s teacher, but Schwartz says the few exceptions can make life difficult for the teacher, the parent, and the child.

“The most important thing is for parents to view their child’s teacher as a partner,” says Schwartz, who wrote the book The Teacher Chronicles: Confronting the Demands of Students, Parents, Administrators, and Society. “Teachers want your child to succeed. Sometimes parents mistakenly view the teacher as an obstacle instead of a partner.”

Here are the top 10 things teachers don’t want to hear—and how you can approach a problem in a better way instead.

“My child is acting up because he’s bored. He’s so bright.”
“I’ve been teaching for 13 years, and I would say in that time I’ve had maybe one or two children who were truly bored and I immediately got different material for them,” says teacher Thea LaRocca, who has taught 3rd through 5th grades in Raleigh, N.C. “I didn’t need the parent to tell me.”
LaRocca says she understands that parents naturally want to think the best of their child, but she suggests that they try to be honest with themselves and think about why their child is acting up, then ask the teacher for strategies to deal with it. “If you truly think your kid is bright, ask for more work,” she says.
“I know it’s only open house, but let me tell you about my daughter’s reading skills.”
“I’ll often see parents who can’t wait to prove how good their kid is. Don’t worry,” LaRocca says gently. “I’ll find out very quickly.”

Open house is a time for kids to get comfortable with a new grade and meet new friends and a new teacher. It’s stressful enough without the added pressure of performing, she says. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll have parent-teacher conferences in a month, anyway.”
“I know I agreed to chaperone the trip, but something came up.”
If you agree to chaperone or volunteer in the classroom, the teacher is counting on you. But more important, someone else is too, says Sheila Lobel, who teaches 6th grade in a suburb of Albany, N.Y.

“The child gets so profoundly disappointed if you say you’re going to come and you don’t,” says Lobel, who has taught for 28 years. “I understand that many parents simply can’t be there because of work, and that’s hard. Just be realistic.”
“Jane is picking on my daughter. I want her punished!”
Nikki Wilson says all teachers should take bullying seriously, but some parents approach classroom conflicts the wrong way. “A lot of times, both kids are to blame. Parents only hear one side of the story,” says Wilson, who has taught 1st, 3rd, and 4th grades in Long Beach, Miss., for eight years. “You can say ‘I know my child is not perfect, but are you aware of this thing that happened? How can we solve the problem?’ ”

More important, Wilson says you can use the situation as a way to teach your child about conflict resolution. “Some parents jump all over the teacher rather than say ‘This is what we’re trying to do at home. Can you watch out for this at school?’ ” she notes.
“You give too much homework!”
When parents say this, Wilson explains, their kid gets the message that school is not important. Homework is a time when parents can see what their kids are learning and take an active role in their education.

“Instead of grumbling about it, maybe ask for suggestions on how to help manage the time it takes to complete the homework,” she says.
“Billy’s homework is not done because...”
Obviously teachers want to know about missed homework as a result of a major problem, such as a death in the family or an injury. Dance class, sports teams, and forgotten backpacks don’t apply, explains teacher Stephen Kelley.

“I just wish that parents would let the kid come in and face the consequences,” says Kelley, who teaches 3rd grade in Washington, Pa. “They think they’re doing the right thing, but kids learn a better life lesson: to take responsibility for yourself and your actions.”
“This homework is too hard.”
Kelley recalls how many parents complained when his school adopted a new, more challenging math curriculum. “It was a hard adjustment,” says Kelley, who has taught for 13 years. “But instead of working with the kids, they just wanted to blame the new math series. They were complaining, ‘Why did the district pick this curriculum?’ instead of asking teachers, ‘How can we work on this? What are some strategies we can use at home?’ ”
“Our old teacher didn’t make us do that,” or “Mrs. So-and-So doesn’t make her students do that.”
“Teachers usually have a good reason for what they’re doing,” says Anne Marie Sytnyk, a 2nd grade reading specialist in Jersey City, N.J., who has taught for 40 years. Instead of challenging the teacher on an assignment, ask for the reasons behind it.

“Give them a chance. At least give them until the first marking period, and maybe you’ll see why the teacher does what she does,” Sytnyk says.
“I tried that. It doesn’t work.”
Washington, D.C., kindergarten teacher Patricia C. Wilkins says she hears this one from parents most often when she tries to talk to them about discipline problems. “It tends to shut the door,” says Wilkins, who has taught for 10 years. “You prod them a little, and you find out that they really didn’t try what you’re suggesting.”

Instead of throwing up your hands in defeat, Wilkins says a better response would be “I tried it and it turned out like this. What else can I do?”
“I wrote a letter to the superintendent detailing all the issues I have with you, and I’m going to read it at the next school board meeting.”
Going over a teacher’s head as a first step is both disrespectful and unproductive.

“It’s frustrating, but it really makes the parent look bad because the superintendent and the principal are just going to say ‘Well, did you talk to the teacher?’ ” says Debra Cupani, who teaches 5th grade in Long Beach, N.Y.

Cupani, who has taught for 12 years, says she understands that parents who are concerned about something at school are emotional and passionate about their kids. It can be uncomfortable to bring up problems with a teacher directly. Email is often a good way to start if parents are nervous.

“Teachers are always willing to listen,” she says. “We just want the best thing for the kids, just like you.”

Comments on 10 Things Teachers Don’t Want To Hear From Parents

John says: May. 09, 2013: Let us go one by one:

1.) Yes, there are a lot of kids who are just bored because the material is too easy. In fact, I have had history teachers who knew less than I did about history.

Just shoving this off and saying "the teacher will identify..." is simply dishonest. The fact is that teachers hate the idea that they are not challenging a student enough and will to resist the idea that they played any role in a child acting out or being lazy.

Also, the solution here is not more work. It is this mindless "busy work" that drives bright kids nuts. What is needed is work that actually stimulates the mind. Giving kids more math problems will just make them act out more.

2.) Let's be realistic here. I can say from personal experience that teachers oftentimes misjudge student's ability. The parents really do have a better grasp on their child's ability than a teacher does.

3.) People have lives outside of school field trips. They probably shouldn't agree to something if they can't make it. But, sometimes things do come up at the last minute.

4.) I don't think anyone can even pretend that teachers handle bullies well. In fact, teachers often take part in blaming the victim.

5.) If parents are saying this, then there is probably something to it. As I said, giving kids hours of mindless busywork simply makes them dislike school more.

If you want them to value education, don't give them unreasonable amounts of homework (as many teachers do).

6.) Who's holding the teacher accountable?

Well, given how hard it is fire a teacher, it would seem that nobody is.

7.) Again, instead of telling parents to suck it up and spend more of their valuable time helping their kids with unreasonable work, maybe you should look at yourself.

8.) Is it possible that the old teacher really was doing a better job?

9.) Teachers shouldn't be telling parents how to raise their kids. Period.

10.) Well, to be honest, the unions have made it so teachers can't be fired for virtually anything so writing a letter won't do any good.

The lesson here is that, indeed, teachers and the education system have a lot of flaws. Pretending that the kids or the parents are always at fault doesn't help anyone.

A lot of teachers really are bad teachers. That is all there is to it.

actual dude says: Apr. 29, 2013: Teachers are trained professionals who will work to the best of their ability to help every student, teachers also should be listened to, teachers spend almost more time with your children on the weekdays than you do and can tell you what is best for your child. They are also required to teach curriculum for the state tests, they don't just do it for job security. Also if people think that they can create a better learning environment for their child then they should try it , nobody needs you in the school district if you just complain.

Krista says: Apr. 26, 2013: So basically what this is saying is don't talk to teachers about how your really feeling about them or your child because they don't want to hear it. Oh, and don't talk to their boss either. Awesome.

mschuiling says: Mar. 21, 2013: My daughter's 6th grade gym teacher told her in front of the class that she is just as lazy and useless as her 3 brothers. This is an 11-yr old who spent 2 years in gymnastics - even qualified for the State finals, swam for 2 years, being invited to join the USA swim team. Oh, and in her free time she joined cheerleading and was 1 of only a handful 6th graders that made the school play. I'm sorry if the teachers get offended if parents go over their heads, but such is life. If I insult a customer at work, how can I be upset if that person goes directly to my boss?

Indu says: Mar. 14, 2013: I'm from India and have been living in USA for 4 years. It is shocking how parents in USA treat teachers. Asians have highest regard for Teachers. They are considered Divine as it is teachers go give our children the knowledge and skills to lead a better life. But, parents should be involved too. A child spend 6-7 hrs in school and rest of the time at home.A Child receives social and moral skills from Mother,Father and Teacher. American parents should stop backing their kids and take advice from Teachers. Every Teacher on this earth expects his/her students to excel in Life.although they are not given good salaries which they deserve, they are the most happiest when they know their students are doing wonders in respective careers. A teacher will not have anything against your child. If they say something it is only for the good of your child

Inside English Education says: Mar. 12, 2013: I'm struck by the hostility toward teachers in the comments below. I think it's systemic of a larger issue and devaluation of education that's occurring in our society at large. I blame talking heads and pundits for this generally, but I also know that not every teacher will be excellent and not every parent will be reasonable (and vise versa). Sometimes, I might even to confess to being an unreasonable parent or a cranky teacher. I fill both roles to the best of my abilities and in as positive a manner as possible. I do admit to being human, however.

Regardless, this article will be a spring board for a post I'm working on about societal hostility toward teachers. Thanks for a great article and for some thought provoking conversation in the comment section!

tchrmom says: Feb. 23, 2013: I teach. I parent. this article, meant to show and encourage partnership, has a negative tone toward the parent. And, as a teacher, I have seen too much that favors the parent point of view. I'll always speak up for my child.

William says: Jan. 24, 2013: “Teachers are always willing to listen,” she says. “We just want the best thing for the kids, just like you.”

Obviously you didn't go to my school. My school was more of a holding cell for students, the majority of which didn't graduate in the first place. I don't know what fantasy island you've been living on, but sign me up if these are the problems you have to whine about. How about the fact that I shared my math book with 3 other people as a senior in high school?

LadyRealityCheck says: Jan. 18, 2013: Part 4

11. Many parents can do as good of a job if not better teaching their kids than public schools can. Teachers will make it seem as if teaching is some magical thing that only they can do because they are "trained". The reality is that most schools of education do not adequately prepare teachers for the realities of teaching in the 21st century. and they most certainly don't educate teachers on "how" to teach.
Any parent with enough patience, knowledge, dedication and a good curriculum can effectively teach their child at home.

12. Teachers and administrators will often attempt to convince a parent against homeschooling by intimidating or making it seem like its an extremely difficult task to which the parent isn't prepared for. One that requires extensive specialized training.
This is probably the most blatant lie/myth of all. The fact of that matter is that MOST homeschoolers are academically superior or at the very least on level with their publicly schooled peers.

13. Parents who place their kids back in public school after homeschooling for several years will most likely be told that their child is behind academically. This is often false.
Teachers have the capacity to make it seem like a child is behind when they are not. They do this for a number of reasons--To discredit homeschooling as a whole so that parents don't attempt to homeschool again and to scare off other parents that are considering it.
Why do they do this? Job security. Imagine if 40-50%% of parents in this country homeschooled. Not only would teachers lose their jobs but schools would lose billions in funding. We can't have that now can we? (at least that's the way they think).

14. To make it seem like little johnny had significant academic gains while in their classrooms and thus students appear to have made significant progress under that teacher.
As a teacher, i was "nudged" by other teachers and shown a few ways in which i can make it seem like my students had significant gains. One of the ways is to design difficult entry "pre-tests" which will result in lower scores and then give an easier post-tests resulting in higher scores after they've been in your class for a while. Another way is to "accidentally" lose assignments early in the year, make it seem like you returned the graded assignment to the student days earlier, meanwhile you create a "phantom" lower grade with no paper trail. Then as the months progress in your class give out increasingly higher grades through various means-such as "accidentally" marking a student correct when he clearly got the answer wrong. Typically parents don't catch this or or pay much mind to it since, it may be only 1 or two questions. But do this enough times sporadically, use other sinister means of grading and you just took a D student and turned him into a B student.
Same way you can turn a B student into a D student if they piss you off enough.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen. Some of the dirty little tricks schools play on parent and students. By the way these are not all inclusive--there are many many more.

I left when i was forced by administrators to "play the game" namely- pass students that have no understanding whatsoever of the material or did much work for that matter.
That was the last straw-I refused and resigned.
It's just WRONG WRONG WRONG.

LadyRealityCheck says: Jan. 18, 2013: PART 3

8. Grades are ARBITRARY. Let me paint the picture-As a parent your A/B student has NEVER in 5 years of public school been in trouble or had a complaint from any teacher. He gets one teacher who's personality clashes with his. She gives him a D for two missed assignments (which she conveniently never reminded the student about or the parents). Parents are upset, call teacher, teacher either doesn't respond or says there is nothing she can do. Parents go over her head to an administrator (Principal or Assistant Princ.) Teacher is now pissed because she was called in with a meeting with Principal and has to explain herself.
Even worse, has to give him an opportunity to make up the assignment and then adjust his grades.
From here on out--Johnny, the "good" kid in class with an A/B will not be earning those A/Bs anymore, he just earned a new enemy.
An enemy that has a whole host of arsenal at her disposal. Here are a few-
the teacher will have frequent documented so called "observed" behaviors that johnny is not so much displaying but the teacher is flat out making it up or the teacher is saying something to the student that will provoke bad behavior.
She will then get teach next door as a witness to how johnny is acting up.
After a few months of this torture Johnny is now facing special programs or the like and of course, his grades have dropped. Not because he doesn't understand, but because of the way the teacher is behaving towards him and how she's grading his work.
Capish?

9. Most teachers DO NOT respect students. For a variety of reasons- Some teachers feel its the student that should respect the adult not the other way around. Some teachers have no idea how to model respect. And some are plain ignorant about how they just spoke down to the student.

10. In this nation most public school students are undereducated. This despite monies being thrown at schools over the past 20 years-for curricula and higher teaching salaries. Schools worry more about teaching to the state "test" (again it goes to job security) than actually providing instruction with substance.

LadyRealityCheck says: Jan. 18, 2013: continued...

3. They know they can get away with blatant lies because its their word against the student. Will an administrator interview other students in class to see if the teacher was lying in the handling of a student? Highly unlikely. Administrators will get involved when there's something really serious-such as a teacher claiming to getting hit by a student or vice versa. You get the picture.

4. Both administrators and teachers lie BECAUSE they KNOW they can get away with it at least 90% of the times. Believe me
the odds are SIGNIFICANTLY stacked in THEIR favor.
In particular, when other parents who never had a problem with schools jump in defending teachers and principals.

5. Make no mistake about it-TEACHERS AND ADMINISTRATORS LOVE pitting parents against other parents. They LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Its not unusual to hear a teacher gossiping to another one "did you see how suzie's mother ripped into christina's mother for the way she spoke to Ms. little perfect teacher!?"

6. Along the same "lie" lines-Teachers and Administrators LOVE PARENTS who are DUMB ENOUGH to believe their lies. Which, sadly, is around 60% of parents.

7. If parents are divorced, and have joint custody-Teachers and Administrators will often try to bypass the parent who is a stronger and more knowledgeable advocate for their child. Which in most cases is the mother since the mother has had the longest involvement in schools and are not as trusting or complacent. Sorry dads but schools know that, by and large, fathers tend to be complacent, not as knowledgeable about the school system and go along with everything the teacher/principal says. So when problems arise- they will call johnny's father and have him come in without notifying johnny's mother.

LadyRealityCheck says: Jan. 18, 2013: As a former teacher i left public school education, after 3 years, because of all i witnessed.
Yes there are some WONDERFUL teachers out there that should be considered for a gold medal. However, those teachers tend to be FEW AND FAR BETWEEN these days.
Most of what you find in public schools today, are teachers who DON'T GIVE A Sh**t about teaching or students for that matter.
Though i must say, most are INCREDIBLE in their acting skills during parent teacher meetings (especially with principal present).
Their acting is of such high caliber, that they can literally convince a parent that the sky is green. Frankly, I am shocked more of them haven't chosen a profession in the entertainment industry, especially when it is clear, through their parent-teacher interaction, that acting is their true calling.

But i digress- 3 years of teaching (at two different school districts) is about all i could stomach. Here is some of the many reasons i no longer teach--
1. Yes teachers LIE to parents and administrators (awful lot). The incentive? Their jobs/careers are on the line.

2. Administrators ALSO lie. Even more so than teachers. There's absolutely no better training to become a politician than being a school administrator.

To be continued....

GA SPANISH TEACHER says: Nov. 18, 2012: A lot of you who wrote in are completely missing the point. It is NOT saying teacher should not be held accountable, but would it hurt to at least talk to the teacher before going nuclear? "Too hard" and "too much homework" are both very subjective and open to interpretation. We ask two things of parents (1) work with us, and (b) be realistic. Some teacher are unprofessional but the majority of us just want to help. And face it: Your child is probably not acting out because he's above the material. All I'm saying is: TALK TO US FIRST. No one is saying you should just suck it up and deal with it, but at least give us a chance to explain our positions. You may be surpised to see that we are actually on your side. Oh, and by the way: We a re giving the work we give BECAUSE IT IS REQUIRED CURRCIULUM. If you belevie me on nothing else, trust me on this: teachers do not sit around thinking of ways to torutre your child.

Fedup says: Oct. 17, 2012: So basically....Just eat it and keep your mouth shut. This article is a load of B.S. !!!!!!!!!!! The whole system is political at every level. I get so tired of being made to feel like I have to answer to people who make a living off of tax dollars. OH but do it the right way and with the right tone or else your kid will pay the price. The freedom teachers have to be spiteful and petty is BEYOND ridiculous! I don't give a crap what they do or don't want to hear from parents. Nurses don't particularly want to clean stinky wounds but they do it. People who work a trade don't really want to spend some of what they make on materials they need to do that trade but they do it,. So cry me river brats. I can't wait for my kids to be out of the glorious "educational system" assuming they make it all the way. I've come home to coax them from the edge of burnout. Also hoping the headache is worth the hassle and they are able to find employment.

Kat says: Oct. 05, 2012: My learning disabled daughter was humiliated in math class by her teacher. The teacher yelled out in front of everyone that she should know this simple math problem by now! My daughter cried the rest of class, the teacher never approached her to talk. To me this is like telling a wheelchair bound person they should just get up and walk, this should be easy???

Rob says: Jul. 31, 2011: I have three kids in upstate new york. While I can understand that some kids are more difficult than others it surely shouldn't give teachers an excuse to gang up on a kid. My 11 year old son is a fun lover but even though I have tried repeatedly to ask them to let me know of problems Now rather than wait until report cards are issued. I was even told of my son disrupting a math class, I tried to tell her that she was mistaken and she insisted she wasn't telling us that the student teacher noted the behavior and my son was lying. I then pointed out my son was absent because of out of school suspension. He had taken in a boy scout pocket knife with 1 1/4" blade which was found in his sling back that he took camping the weekend before. The way it was handled you would have thought he brought guns into school. The politically correct liberals are destroying our kids. The respect they feel they are entitled to had been earned by the teachers which I was lucky to have had. The pussafication of our children is just wrong!

Jim says: May. 31, 2011: I know this is old, but I read this and almost had to laugh. Especially at point #5(too much hiomework). The inference was tha if you have too much homework, deal with it. This type of attitutde has a lot to do with why our schools have failed so much. The schools have created policies that were created to help miotigate failure and applied them across the board. Much of the homework us busy work that is not well thought out. Had an assignment for my child in fist grade. There was so much ambiguity, I couldn't figure it our, an airforce Col couldn't figure it out and my dad(an MIT Grad) couldn't figure it out. I sent the assignment back to the teacher and said this was not doable. The response was "I(the treacher) should have put more thought into it". That said it all. Homework was being assigned w/o thought. No better way to kill a child's interest in learning then to do that kind of stuff. If your child is getting too much homework, don't take it from the schools. You need to be your child's advocate. The schools will figure it out in a decade or two. Your child doesn't have that kind of time.

kel says: Feb. 07, 2011: Too many teachers lack professionalism. As an "older" parent I have spent a lot of volunteer time in the schools. The teacher have NO respect for the kids. By 5th grade these children realize when they are being talked down to. I have heard teachers talk with disrespect about parents to their kids. They make comments like, "What's wrong with your parents, what was your mother thinking?" OR 'I don't care what your parents think!" Teachers show no respect and then wonder why they get none. I actually hear a teacher tell a student, "I'm giving you this "F" to get your parent's attention! If the majority of parents had any idea how bad it was, we probably wouldn't have a pubic school system. Parents who are aware have learned to realize that they have 2 kids in school. Their kid and the teacher!

Janice says: Jan. 21, 2011: I cannot tell you how upseting I find this email. If you had my 3 children you would then now 3 gifted and bored children at the same time. I tell teachers they are smart, they tell me they are bored.
Do you have any idea as a parent how it feels to hear from your daughters 3rd grade teacher that she is worried your daughter will not be able to hand a challenge when she faces one, because she is so advanced that the teacher is not able to challenger her? How am I suppose to feel comfortable with my child in such a place.

At my 9th grade son's conference, he was getting a D in English and Social Studies. I again had to sit there and listen to the teachers tell me that he knows all the material. He can answer any question they ask him correctly, but flat out told me his grades were low because he already knew everything so he didn't take his time and did rush answers on homework. On his test (don't recall the name of it, it is some college readiness test they take as freshman now) he scored in the 100% for science 98% for math. That is country wide scoring, so tell me that is not gifted.
My 6yth grade son is the smartest, but the most challenging. One year he will have a teacher who cares enough to help him and he does well, then next he gets one who sees him as a trouble maker and he does very poorly.
I suppose to help you all get a better understanding of the difficulties I mean - we all have ADHD, and I will not medicate my children. Some teachers are okay with that, some get very mad that I will not drug my kids to make their job easier.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not a teacher for a reason. I understand the difficulties of being a teacher, and I appreciate most anyone who gives their life to teaching children.

JULIA says: Apr. 30, 2010: Actually I have to say in my personal experience, that all teachers are NOT always willing to listen. Some are, some are, some most definitely are not, and you are right, as a parent we are committed, emotional, and passionate, and if a teacher gets upset if you want to question his theories at Open House, then I question their devotion.
Devotion lol that's a good one. Basically, teachers love it when the parents are all supportive, but the moment you have an issue and dare to critcize a member of staff, they don't want to know. And yes, all the proper procedures were in place, email, meeting, meeting with Prinicipal etc. The principal backs up the useless teacher who was fired from his previous school, all the parents are upset, and nothing gets done. And we are evil because we want to talk at open house?
Ok rant over......

Thea LaRocca says: Feb. 05, 2010: I am Thea LaRocca, the horrible teacher who should choose a different profession. I do not teach gifted children and I only spent 4 years in the classroom because my principal asked me to teach reading to ask-risk students because my reading end of grade test scores were always the highest. I have been teaching at-risk students for the past 10 years with much success. It is interesting that I am quoted as using the word kid a few times because that is not a word I normally use. I stick to my guns on the 3 or 4 children that were truly gifted when I was a classroom teacher. Being gifted is very different than being smart. I went through herculean efforts to make sure these students had challenging work. It is interesting that the parents of the gifted children worked in tandem with me and the parents with the smart children who thought their child was gifted were usually the parents that drive teachers crazy. I guess it is hard to know that in an article. I am sure you are all wonderful teachers and it is hard work. No one knows how hard it is unless you are a teacher. It makes me sad that some of you were so hard on me without knowing anything about me. There is just too much of that going around. That is something I teach my at-risk students everyday because they bear the brunt of adults,students and teachers assuming they are something that they are not. All that is left to say is I hope everyone has a very successful school year.

Georgia says: Jan. 08, 2010: I am not a teacher, and maybe I'm old-school, but I agree with this article and not most of the comments below. I think too many parents make excuses for their children and don't set the expectation for them to comply with school rules (there are rules everywhere in life, get used to it). I don't think that an hour of homework is excessive. And I don't think having other activities is any excuse for not completing your homework. I think that homework should be done before extracurricular activities. Come on, what's important here? Education, or soccer and video games? If the teacher has an expectation, then I support that as being my expectation too. It may be tough, but that's what's required this year. My boss has high expectations of me, too. I think that it is our job as parents to teach our children to strive for the best and teach them how to get along in situations that they are not happy with. If we are always stepping in and trying to protect them from life, we are doing them a disservice. They need to be taught to expect consequences from their own actions. I also doubt that there are that many kids that are bored because they are just so much brighter than the rest of the class. More likely they are not taught that they are expected to pay attention and not be disruptive even though they may have heard something before. Manners are an important thing to learn too, and it is not the teachers jobs to teach that, it is the parents. The things these teachers don't want to hear in this article are the same things I don't want to hear from my child.

Mary says: Jan. 07, 2010: I disagree that an hour of homework per night is too much for elementary school. Fifteen minutes of homework in a few subjects adds up to an hour, and is probably the right amount. The parents who complain that there's too much homework or that the homework is too hard probably have their kids "starring" in too many extracurricular activities and travel teams.

Janet says: Jan. 07, 2010: I am sorry to see yet another "why the teacher is always right." article.

I hope Schwartz also says in her book that the most important thing is for teachers to view parents as partners!

Great comments from readers!

Cheryl says: Nov. 16, 2009: Seriously? As a teacher, I've got to say this article couldn't be more off-base. Let's take a few of these by number:

#1. I wouldn't have wanted LaRocca for my teacher, for my son's teacher, or as a colleague, because she's obviously out of touch with gifted kids if she only thinks she's had one or two who were truly bored and needed differentiation. Wow. That really makes me sad. Good thing a lot of teachers know better, or my school years, those of my son, and those of many of my students would have been or would be darned miserable. That woman needs to find a different career.

#2. While Open House may not be the time for it, I DO want to hear the parents' view of their child. How arrogant would it be for me to assume that I can gather information in a few months that they've known for years?

#5. Some teachers DO give too much homework, and it is absolutely the parent's business to say so. Study after study has shown that homework in elementary school is not helpful and often counterproductive. I discussed a too-much homework issue with my son's teacher, a colleague, last year, and the amount of homework was reduced as a result. A teacher does not have the right to interfere with my family time because of some misguided "more is better" philosophy about homework, or because she's brand-spankin' new, 22 years old without kids of her own, and has no idea what it looks like at home in the after-school hours yet.

#6. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a note from a parent explaining why homework isn't done. Ever have to turn a report in late at work because life got in the way? Was your boss as hard on you as your son's 3rd grade teacher? Probably not.

#7. Teachers DO want to know if the homework is too hard. It's not the parents' job to teach the kids the new, more challenging curriculum at home. If the kid can't do it on their own as practice of what they've already learned in class, the homework IS too hard or the teacher isn't effectively teaching the subject matter.

Wendy's dead on. I can't imagine a good teacher who would agree with most of these except for #10.

Marlene says: Nov. 16, 2009: Jane:

I have to tell you that I agree with you! I am a mom and a teacher. I can honestly say that these hints are crazy! Come tell me everything you want me to know about your child...you know them better than I do. AND if I am not meeting ther needs, I absolutely want to know. This is what is wrong with education! The fact that Ms LaRoca does not see that her students might be bored scares me to death. Ms. LaRoca should leave the teaching profession if she has only seen one or two gifted children in her career. That or she teaches in a trench.

Wendy says: Nov. 15, 2009: I am a teacher and would not mind hearing any of these concerns from any parent (besides #10 - yikes!) I don't want parents to think this is truly how "teachers" feel. It is just the opinion of a few.

Karen says: Nov. 14, 2009: I have to agree with Jane on this one. We (parents) are the only advocates our children have. If we have ligitamate questions or concerns for our children we should voice them. I'm sorry if it makes the teacher uncomfortable, but the teacher is not the only person making educational decisions for the children. It should be a partnership with student, teacher, and parent. My 3rd grader brings home way too much homework. An hour or more per night is getting nuts. Yes, school is important. But, I want my kids to enjoy being kids, too. These types of issues are not something teachers should take personally but should take as constructive critisizm. I am studying to be a teacher now, and I do hope I will be open to hearing these comments from parents when I have my classroom.

Jane says: Oct. 29, 2009: Is this article fair? How about 10 things parents don't want to hear from teachers? I've got a 6th grader assessed last year @ a college reading level and this year's reading teacher told us at open house we needed to "shut off the TV and get her reading more". Another teacher didn't figure out our son was reading significantly above grade level until January, despite us telling her at open house (yes! we are evil!) and conferences the reading curriculum was not remotely challenging. She poo-poohed us with "We differentiate in the classroom." but by May was still floundering because "I don't know what to do with him." If numerous parents are complaining about the amount of homework or its difficulty level, it might be a sign that the teacher and/or school needs to reevaluate their homework policies. Schools should work in partnership with families to support learners. That means both sides have responsibility for communicating fairly and effectively.

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