Comments

1. 

   Posted by Lisa @ School Family on Aug. 28, 2009

   Hi Amber-
   Thanks for posting a comment. I have re-posted your question over in our Q & A section -- where I am hoping you will get more support and answers. http://www.schoolfamily.com/answers
   ~ Lisa

2. Posted by - Amber on Aug. 26, 2009

   Hi I am having a problem with my son acting up in kindergarten. He has never went to preschool or daycare. He had went to school for only four days and he goes only 2 and 1/2 hours a day. She said her and her helper think that he is ADHD. After four days please. We just moved, had to get rid of our dog, he lost his baby sister three years ago, 2 of his grandfathers, and got a new puppy. I have worked with him since he was 3 on writing, reading, shapes, and much more. I think he is stressed out. The class size is 23 kids. They are doing things in class that he already knows. I feel like that is part of the problem. His teacher sent me a note home that said he hit two kids at school th other day. She went into no form of detail at all. Come to find out he did it becaue the one kid hit him in the chest on his (boob) which we told him no one is to touch him there cause its wrong. And the other kid shoved him so he shoved back. Yes, my son should of walked away so he did get a time out for it. However, why did they him be the victim of bullying? If they would of stoped the bullying none of this would of happened. I am so upset and have no clue on what to do. She sent us an email and she feels that my son is not capable of listening cause he has all the signs of ADHD. She talks about ADHD at least 3-4 times in her email. Talk about trying to force a parent to medicate their child. I will not out my son on any of those harmful meds ever. What should I do? We are asking her to give him more time to adjust to his new surroundings. We read him books every night about how his is to act at school. Please comment.

3. Posted by - Monica on Apr. 03, 2009

   I thank you seat a good thangs for kids and grown up's like me. THANK YOU

4. Posted by - Annette on Mar. 23, 2009

   Marty
   I agree with your comment, wholeheartedly! We must take ownership is our children's education. I've always believed that children obtain but a small percentage of their learning from the school environment. The rest is up to us--if we are willing. You don't just "send" you child to school. It's a place for them to participate with others in the development and sharing of ideas. Yet, the basic knowledge can just as well come from home. Why else is homeschool so successful (for the most part)? I remind my children that "learning" continues beyond their 6 hours in school. That for the next 9 months, I am in partnership with their teacher. We'll be pen pals, best friends--whatever it takes to create a successfull, productive school year. Everything the teacher and I do is in their best interest.
   
   ~Annette

5. Posted by - Mary on Mar. 19, 2009

   Along with #2 in this list -- "Adoption" should be added to that paragraph for some background information on your child. I am thinking as the parent of a Kindergarten student whose adoption finalized at age 4 and who was placed with me as a foster child at 21 months. Even though, my daughter has been with me and in a stable environment for a majority of her life, there as still issues that come up due to her having been adopted that most likely aren't present in children who have never been separated from their birth parents. For example -- self esteem issues tend to be "weightier" and come up sooner with some of these children because in their minds, they were "given away" and maybe they don't deserve good things. Additionally, her fear of being left behind at school -- especially on a "not so good day" is greater because if one mom can leave you or "give you away" then so can this adoptive mom. Another issue is that there are things that happened in her past (prior to her placement in my home) that I will never know about or be able to understand completely and, therefore, I can't explain them to you (her teachers and other school personnel). Children who have been adopted have so many issues to deal with because of their past. Even though adoption is a tremendous blessing and a joyous event, there is also a tremendous amount of loss and grief that must be acknowledged and dealt with too.

6. Posted by - marty on Sep. 18, 2008

   EDUCATING YOUR CHILD IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! The school/teachers are just one of many tools for you to use. The teacher will only have your child for 1 year (along with 25 other kids) after which they move to another teacher and then the teacher gets a whole new class to teach. Your child will always be your child and your responsibility. If you expect to just hand your child off any teacher and say "here- educate him!" you will always be disapointed at the results.

7. Posted by - Mandi on Sep. 15, 2008

   Always be on the teachers good side.

8. Posted by - Sue on Sep. 03, 2008

   I agree with the comments of "long time teacher". I also really like the article and thought about sending it out in my counselor's newsletter.
   The down side is "the need to know". I had a negitive experience myself with my now grown 1st grader and her teacher. My daughter had some previous medical problems that resulted in ear fluid buildup and distracting sounds within her ear canal causing her to act hyperactive or inattentive. Thinking I was doing the "right" thing, I shared my concerns with the teacher that she may be distractable. As a result, the teacher feeling she was doing the "right" thing took it upon herself to make sure my daughter was not distracted and if she was, she was quick to sent her away from the group for a time-out until she could pay attention. ( I had a friend who volunteered in the classroom ) The caution here is to remember who you are giving the information to and how much to share. I didn't know the teacher had a reputation for being very strict in getting her students to learn. She was not the same as her kind, understanding Kindergarten teacher. We are all human with our strengths and weaknesses. As a school counselor I well know the different personalities of teachers and parents. I also have been on the other side when parents either knowingly or unknowingly keep information from the school that would have been helpful in addressing a child's specific needs. I will continue to encourage parents to share, but when in doubt; to at least let the school counselor have a heads up. - Sue

9. Posted by - long time teacher on Aug. 30, 2008

   I would limit all input to us, your child's teachers to your emphasis on your child's strengths. This is what your child has to work with, and these strengths are sizable. When YOU begin a new job, it is unlikely you will tell your future employer or coworkers that you are experiencing a divorce or that you might have ADHD or that you are having trouble balancing your finances so you might be more nervous or absentminded than usual.
   
   SImilarly, repeating your concerns about your child's seeming weaknesses or about conditions you fear will show up in negative behavior by your child tend to be self-fulfilling prophesies. We may think that this "admission" will assure special treatment and concern, but generally, when people hear your child is going through a parental divorce or might be hyperactive or does not get along with age mates, many begin LOOKING for negative signs. As parents, we can always ask ourselves "will the benefit of sharing our anxieties about our children's imperfections OUTWEIGH this human tendency to either expect less adaptive behavior from our child OR PITY our child, which is worse." Give our kids a chance, send them off with all our trust that they will do a great job JUST AS THEY ARE, and do not begin to cut them down due to our own parental anxieites and beliefs that they will not be able to cope unless we ask, ahead of time, for forgiveness and special patience with them.

10. Posted by - Ellie on Aug. 30, 2008

    I've been blessed this school year. My son's teacher and special education teacher have been more than open about being contacted. They welcome emails and have answered them. The special ed teacher even takes a minute to email me the good things he's done which makes me able to give him a high five when he comes home. It's really a win-win situation for all of us.

11. Posted by - Krystal on Aug. 29, 2008

    I believe this is a very good way to communicate with our children's teachers. In fact, upon sending my son to pre school, they promplty had me fill out a paper including many of the items listed in this article, plus a section for his favorite foods, pass times, etc. They also took a photo which was added later. This helped to ease my fears of sending my asmatic son into school for the first time. They were very accomodating sending his inhaler on the bus, into the classroom, even out to recess. I was truly impressed with the attention they gave each child as an individual. We had regular parent-teacher meetings each month to discuss progress, concerns, and any possible changes in his environment. I am so sad to hear of those who have not had a positive experience regarding their children's education. My son just started Kindergarten, and I am thus far just as happy with the public school district, as when he was in pre school. His teacher encourages phone calls, letters, and even a "log book" to communicate between parent and teacher on how my son is doing daily, and any questions or concerns. I only wish that every parent could feel the satisfaction, and relief of sending their child off to school without worry. Good luck to you all on acheiving fulfillment in your child's education. -Idaho

12. Posted by - JRN on Aug. 25, 2008

    Great article, indeed.
    
    On the flip side, it does not touch on the fact that some teachers are either intimidated by parents with lengthy lists of thier child's issues, or burned out of dealing with parents each of whom know thier child is "specially gifted" or needing special attention of some type. So you get a lot of the barely veiled "yeah, whatever-- they'll be fine" response.
    
    The solution for me (a parent of two special students) has been private school-- and not a very expensive one either. Small class sizes, and teachers where most (unfortunately not all) care.

13. Posted by - cozymittin on Aug. 23, 2008

    Most teachers are on their high horse. They will always find a way that their action to our kids was the right reaction.I have only had one teacher appolygise for hurting my childs feelings or touching them in ways that made them uncomfortable.I have had this happen more than a few times. . I am sure their are great teachers out there but, just because you can teach a subject does not mean you know child sycology. I think if students are failing its because the teacher gave up on that student .

14. Posted by - Christine on Aug. 22, 2008

    I believe the San Diego City School District is failing their students. PLEASE, I cannot stress enough, if your child comes home and starts having behavioral issues, it is very possible that it is NOT your child having the problem; but instead what the teacher and staff are saying and doing to him/her. (The teachers who are allowed tenure, really just need to be kicked out. They are done.)
    
    I kept wondering why my just turned 8 year old was going to need depression medicine, that was until I found out, and pulled him immediately from the school. That was 2 1/2 years ago, and I can say that my son is back to a healthy minded child.
    
    So please, watch for signs. Loss of creativity, loss of daydreaming, calling themselves names, hitting themselves, and even the loss of doing things they once loved (he had quit playing legos completely).
    
    He is going back this year (5th grade) and you can bet that I will be monitoring his behavior like a hawk.
    
    Thank you for letting me put in my 2 cents.
    
    Christine

15. Posted by - Christi on Aug. 22, 2008

    By the way, Tamara, as a "former educator", have you not heard of a run-on sentence? I know that it is the luck of the draw, but I pray each year of public school will not bring a "teacher" of your caliber to my son's education. As is so common in this country, your intellectual lacking is evidenced when you put pen to paper (keyboard to monitor, you get it)
    
    Additionally, this is not a forum for your ranting! Did you have an explanation/excuse for the ant your child just stepped on?
    
    Your poor children...

16. Posted by - Christi on Aug. 22, 2008

    Good God, Tamara - are there room for comments by ANY others? Or should we all just pull up a couch?

17. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    So we are "off-grid" now, happy and loving it. I know not all schools and teachers are like this, but providing the information listed here, while a good idea, does not guarantee that the teacher will read it, listen to it and most of all apply it in any way that is meaningful. Each parent will need to assess the gravity of their situation and their child to determine if the teacher truly is making the individual adaptations and differentiated education that allow your child(ren) to succeed with their self-esteem and self-confidence, individuality and creativity intact. If so, great, glad it's working for you. If not, seriously consider homeschooling or online schooling. You have to do what is right for your kids regardless of how difficult it may be for you in other areas.

18. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    In our experience, schools, at least in our area, are not doing that anymore, in spite of all the hype and stock lines. They have failed not only our children but all children and while we don't want to shelter our kids from exposure to different ideas, that is no longer the issue. Providing them with the confidence and skills to consolidate their particular gift mix into a beneficial societal contribution as they grow up and become adults IS....and we can do it better than anything we have seen at school in 4 years....and I have never been a keen proponent of homeschooling, not opposed per se, just never really considered it an option. But my job was downsized, things came to a head at school, and for the good of the kids, we decided, that finances aside, this was something we had to do for our own family health because the school system was out of control and continuing to fight them to fix it while leaving our kids in the system, would only continue to damage the kids psyches. -TO BE CONTINUED-

19. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    My daughter is starting 1st grade this fall and will be joining us; and we will be moving onto 4th grade level work (or above as need be) with my son. We just came to the conclusion that the type of socialization that was taking place within the school was more detrimental to the kids not only academically, but socially, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and damaging to their self esteem and confidence; and not preparing them to recognize their own special gifts (they only focused on weaknesses) and how they can turn those unique talent blends into being a productive and contributing member of society. No one is good at everything; the trick is to find and recognize what it is you are good at and marshal it into a niche where you are confident and happy and able to use it to be self-sufficient as an adult. --TO BE CONTINUED--

20. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    . But they are no better at dealing with behavior issues and curbing the bullying we have seen than they are at addressing the academic needs. If we could afford to move, we would...and will as soon as possible for more reasons than this. But in the meantime, I came to the conclusion last spring that, this was only getting worse each year, not better and that if I was going to have to redo their job for them every night, and thus creating a school resistance attitude because he had it all day and then again when I came home so no break from school...not enough time for play and just being a kid....then I might as well just do it myself and get it all done in 3-4 hours in the morning when he's fresh. So we started homeschooling and the difference in the quality of his work, his attitude and maturity is exponential!!! --TO BE CONTINUED

21. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    Quite frankly, I got fed up with the constant cries of "what do we do?" when they had no real interest in applying any of my recommendations or suggestions and having to re-teach everything at home because they would not do it at school. Granted, we are each responsible for our own behavior choices, adults and children, but when the school categorically refuses to take any responsibility for the fact that they are creating the conditions for the behaviors they are seeing from the normally achieving kids (my son isn't the only one in this situation, we have just been the most vocal because I know something of the system and what truly is possible having been a teacher so they can't snow me with the company line--I know'em, heard'em, not going to fly with my children) by not providing appropriate challenges and recognizing individual needs and differences. -TO BE CONTINUED--

22. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    ...and this is/was a 3rd grader whose math score on state tests was not only passing but just marginally under exceeding the benchmark, in a school where the school average is 6 points BELOW passing....and therein lies the problem. He may or may not qualify as "gifted" under the very narrow legal definition of gifted because the things he is most gifted in are not tested and therefore not recognized but he ends up looking gifted in comparison with what the teachers have to deal with. Several other parents have made similar unsolicited observations to me regarding the total apathy...at this school, and since we took the system head on to try to fight to get him what he needs, we know that it's a district-level, not just a school-level apathy, to challenging or enriching the normally and above average achieving students. --TO BE CONTINUED-

23. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    "Because it would set a 'bad example' for the other kids" they say, "the other kids would want to know why he got to do that while they were working." As if you can't explain to the other kids that they can do that too if they finish quickly and correctly. But no, they say that would create too much disruption in the classroom. Instead, they hand out packets of math papers--the least fun kind, of 30-100 problems each, like time tests of math facts, 8-10 pages, some of them double-sided so we are looking at like 500-1000 math facts in one day (my response to complaints that he didn't want to complete these packets was to look it over and finding that he had done 4-6 pages of it, to tell them that if he put up with this blatant attempt at busy work, which no one, adult or child, likes, so far as to complete 5 pages before he had a meltdown, then you better count yourself lucky and find something else for him to do.... --TO BE CONTINUED--

24. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    So a good, warm, caring relationship with the authority figure is the absolute most important KEY thing you can do to insure that he will be easy for you to work with." I've also told them over and over that he is a hands on learner (BTW--they tested him, and no one, doctor or educator believes he is ADD/ADHD or any other label they can come up with. He's a normal kid with a high energy and curiosity level, that's all), loves to read and build things, loves science and non-fiction, etc. But when he finishes his regular work, for 3 years now, every single teacher he has had, categorically refuses to give him challenge projects and barring that, to let him read quietly or build something or draw or any of those things that would keep him quiet and happy while the other kids finished. --TO BE CONTINUED--

25. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    !!!!!) This is in response to such "out there" suggestions such as "of paramount importance in establishing a good working relationship with my son is to exude from day 1 the sense that you think he is great and that you truly like him as a person. Not just that you are being nice to him because you have to or it's your role to give out that company line. Don't let him push you around and get away with anything, but I have noticed that those he knows truly respect and like him, he will bend over backwards for to be helpful, polite, respectful, considerate, kind, etc. And he is expert at spotting the phonies--the ones who only tolerate him or play the role they are supposed to without any heart behind it--and any hint from day 1 that the adult in charge is just being nice "because I have to" or that they really don't like him and he will make it his mission in life to be as difficult as possible for said person. --TO BE CONTINUED--

26. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    . It has gotten so bad at our local school that even when I provide the above info, I get complaints and constant queries from teachers saying "he's doing x in class. what do we do about it?" Well, I already covered this in writing, talked to you about it, reinforced it at conferences--have you tried any of the techniques I suggested (and which by the way are things I did for kids in my own classroom so are not out of the ordinary or unrealistic to expect of teachers). I get blank stares as if they have no idea what I am talking about, never saw my written summary or had any conversations or warnings about this possibility--and when reminded or shown the summary again, I get alot of "we can't do that", "we're not allowed to do that" or my personal favorite, "the grant we are on won't allow us to make individual adaptations for individual student needs." (!!!!!WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO APPLY FOR AND ACCEPT A GRANT LIKE THAT---IF INDEED THAT WAS NOT JUST ANOTHER SMOKESCREEN!!!!!) -TO BE CONTINUED--

27. Posted by - Tamara on Aug. 21, 2008

    I know where the Arkansas parent is coming from. I have given this info regularly to every teacher since my son, and now my daughter entered kindergarten--particularly the personality, learning style and interests...only to have it summarily and specifically ignored. I taught for 7 years so I know the challenges and the heart of most teachers is in the right place but teachers are increasingly swamped with overcrowded classrooms and inordinate pressures from NCLB to focus all and only on the low achieving kids, of which there are too many, that the normally or above average achieving kids are being ignored; and all the political correctness and the societal fear of our overdeveloped sense of litigiousness. --TO BE CONTINUED--

28. Posted by - Anna on Aug. 18, 2008

    This article, GREAT advice!
    
    Its really important to tell the teacher about any allergies, especially food, because the health cards you fill out do not always make it to our desks from the nurse's office the first few weeks of school. Please know: Teachers are not trying to get into your personal life, but knowing if there is something going on that is keeping the child from sleeping, whatever, is very helpful. If I know a child is struggling in their personal life, and let's say, not sleeping- I am apt to be more patient and understanding. I can also provide them with that little extra boost, nap, whatever- to get them through the day. I also approach discipline differently if I know a child is having problems.
    
    I hope everyone reading this has a great school year and your kids are in an environment (whether school or home) where they are free to inquire, discover, make mistakes, and shine! -Anna

29. Posted by - Anna on Aug. 18, 2008

    AK, that's just sad. I'm sorry to hear that and wished you lived in Western Mass where I could help you. I hate to report I do know a few teachers like that, but that is not the norm.
    
    I like to set up email with all of my parents, not as a substitution for real discussion when needed, but to be accessible on a daily basis. That way, we can both correspond at times that are convenient. I don't care if parents email me daily for a report whether it is academic, behavioral, or if a students has a question or concern. It makes my job easier keeping on top of things but more importantly, helps my students find success.
    -Anna

30. Posted by - AK on Aug. 16, 2008

    I wish the Teachers where I live would read this. I choose to homeschool my son after trying endlessly to talk to my sons teacher about his Asthma and mold allergies, and I wanted to look at the room and see if there was anything I might be able to do to help to cut down on the attacks, since he did not have them at home. But her phone always went to voice and She never returned calls. And parents are not allowed to "disturb" the teacher without an appointment(which of course must be made with the teacher, who will not answer the phone).

31. Posted by - Angela N Tyler on Aug. 15, 2008

    This is a great article! Communication between school and home is crucial. Check out this article about working with teachers and back to school night:
    
    http://www.family-homework-answers.com/teachers-and-homework.html

32. Posted by - Becky on Aug. 13, 2008

    I used to give parents a large index card on Back to School night and ask them to tell me about their child. I'm no longer in the classroom, but f I were to do it again, I'd use these topics to guide the parents so that I could learn more about my students. Maybe it could be printed up as a take home assignment over the weekend for parents! Great list!

33. Posted by - Typical Parent on Aug. 11, 2008

    I agree this is great informaiton. I would suggest for you teachers out there to publish some form of flyer for parents of your students asking them to provide you any of this information that might be helpful for teaching their chile.. This encourages those parents who are un-sure how to best communicate this info. and also gives teachers a more organized way of receiving the informaiton for future reference. Teacher/Parent conferences are a good venue, but it would take a lot longer to get through those to capture this info. than collecting it up front.

34. Posted by - Tami on Aug. 09, 2008

    This is a wonderful list for parents! As a teacher these are the things I spend a lot of time trying to find out about my students. It would be great if the parents came in and gave me some valuable information about their child. After all, no one knows the child better than the parents.

35. Posted by - Donna on Jul. 31, 2008

    I wish every parent had the chance to have a copy of this article. These suggestions are excellent. As both a parent and a teacher I speak from experience.

36. Posted by - barenda on Jul. 30, 2008

    Super articlel, especially for parents of students attending school for the first time, as most of our Pre-K students are!