This article is part of the following topics: Homework & Studying
Homework: Be a Stage Manager
When it comes to homework, your role is to create a situation where your child can succeed, not to do his work for him. This expert advice tells you how.
The last bell of the day rings and classroom doors bang open. Kids crowd the hallways in their hurry to get home. School’s out, after all—they’re finally free!
But they’ve forgotten one thing, at least for the moment: Those backpacks they carry are heavy for a reason. There are math problems to solve and essays to write. In short, there’s homework to do. But though it may be the last thing your student wants to do, spending time on homework doesn’t have to be a chore—or worse, a battle.
Dr. Harris Cooper, a psychology professor and director of the Program in Education at Duke University, has spent more than two decades researching the issues surrounding homework. He has plenty of advice for parents.
“There are lots of things a parent can do that don’t necessarily tell a child what to do but help them study,” he says. Think of yourself as a stage manager, Cooper recommends: providing a well-lit space, making sure there’s a dedicated time for homework, having all the necessary materials gathered in advance.
And as much as possible, he adds, do complementary activities of your own when your child is tackling homework. For example, if your 10-year-old needs to read three chapters for English class, you could say, “Let’s turn off the TV. I want to read”—then pick up your novel or catch up with a professional journal. Likewise, math homework is the perfect time to balance the family budget.
Once your child gets started on homework, monitor him to make sure he doesn’t start feeling frustrated. Let him know it’s OK to ask for help. “If they walk away from the work, if they’re fidgeting, they’re verbalizing frustration,” Cooper says. “Ask questions of your child while they’re doing the homework. Not frequently, but enough so the child knows you’re available.”
Sometimes it might seem like your child is spending too much time and effort on homework based on the assignment he’s been given. If it does not happen often, Cooper suggests having the student walk away for a quick break or work on something else for a while.
But sometimes when it seems like an assignment is taking hours, the child has only spent 30 minutes of dedicated time on his work. The rest may have been lost to instant-messaging with friends, getting up repeatedly for a forgotten tool, or other distractions and time-wasters. If it’s more serious than that—if a child has spent two hours trying to work out a single math problem—there may be more at play.
“In the best of all possible worlds, before it got to that point the parent would call the teacher and talk about what’s going on in their house,” Cooper says.
When you call, he adds, “the first thing is to not be confrontational and to make sure that the problem your child is having with the homework doesn’t relate to something other than the assignment itself. If parents do that, if they then go to their teacher and say ‘We’ve looked at these issues, and we don’t think the problems lie in how our own lives are structured or how the homework is done, but it seems to be more to do with the difficulty of the assignment’—if you do that, I think educators will respond.”
Whenever homework troubles arise, guard against the desire to avoid your child’s frustration altogether. Cooper stresses that helping kids with homework is different from doing the work for them. “Parents have to recognize that the only thing that kids learn when parents do projects for them is that when the going gets tough, Mom gets going. And that’s not a lesson we want our kids to learn.”
Instead, he recommends helping your child work through the steps of a problem. Give guidance, Cooper says—don’t give the answer. That’s the best way to help your child learn.
Dr. Cooper’s Homework Tips for Parents
Be a stage manager. Make sure your child has a quiet, well-lit place to do homework. Make sure necessary materials (paper, pencils, dictionary) are available.
Be a motivator. Homework provides a great opportunity for you to tell your child how important school is. Be positive about homework. The attitude you express will be the attitude your child acquires.
Be a role model. When your child does homework, don’t sit and watch TV. If your child is reading, you read, too. If your child is doing math, balance your checkbook. Help your child see that the skills he is practicing are related to things you do as an adult.
Be a monitor. Watch your child for signs of failure and frustration. If your child asks for help, provide guidance, not answers. If frustration sets in, suggest a short break.
Be a mentor. When the teacher asks that you play a role in homework, do it. If homework is meant to be done alone, stay away. Homework is a great way for kids to develop lifelong learning skills. Overinvolvement can be a bad thing.
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Posted by - Nikki on Oct. 26, 2009
Ms. Chenyere,Have you looked into the possibility that your child may possibly have a condition called dysgraphia? It is a learning disability that is characterized by a neurological "disconnect" between the brain and the hand. Basically, it means that someone with dysgraphia can verbalize their thoughts but can not adequately get them on paper. For instance, a child may say "The dinosaur was enormous". But what they would write would be something much more simple such as "The dino was big". A writing ability that is much lower than the person's vocabulary can be a sign of this condition.
I am not an expert, nor am I stating that this is definitely the case with your child, it is just a possibility.
I have the same situation with my son who is in the fourth grade now. I am trying very hard to have him evaluated for dysgraphia so that we can avoid future struggles in school.
I hope this helped.
Posted by - Louise on Sep. 13, 2009
My problem is that my 2 grandchildren, 8 & 9, do their homework at the same time, they vie for attention. My son is very patient but has to go to work and doesn't have enough time to give them. Then they go back to their mother's house where little or no supervision is going on. The only thing I can come up with is for me to be extra patient and not expect too much from them. At least they have quality time when my son is with them.Posted by - CONCERN MOTHER OF 4 on Sep. 05, 2009
I NEED HELP WITH 7TH GRADE WRITING STYLE . HE IS 2 GRADE BELOW IN HIS WRTING HOW DO HELP MY CHILD, AM VERY WORRIED BECAUSE IN 2 YRS HE WILL HEADING TO HIGH SCHOOL ... PLEASE HELP ... WHAT TOOLS , SITES, OR ANY SUGGESTIONS .THANK YOU ,
MS CHINYERE
Posted by - yolonda on Jul. 26, 2009
Parenting is the hardest job there is so in knowing that expect a struggle some children will be easier than others but I appreciate all the advice if it don't apply let it fly.my chid is gifted and has been declining his grades so to cut the t.v off to set a better example is not a bad idea when your looking for results and really care about there success Im willing to try will with all my might t.v and everything alse will always be there but not your childs youth .so to all parents that disagree you wouldn't be on this website if you didn't need help some kind of way so try it out be for you knockPosted by - Sammie on Apr. 28, 2009
paraphrased..........children need to be children before they are men..........or they are like fruit picked too soon...........not ready/not ripened.........We are pushing our children too fast too soon. Encouragement is one thing....
We are usurping their interpersonal skills/relationships with test-readiness and technology. What will happen if/when they have all of what 'we' are cramming into their precious minds..........but completely lack the ability to get along with others. The whole educational set-up is a recipe for disaster.
We see evidence of pre-school children suspended from school. We have MANY ANGRY (and I feel for good reason) children..............which then translate to many angry adults.
O.K., I'll stop..........for now :>)
Posted by - chital on Apr. 21, 2009
Sir, Your article is very helpful to me. I have very big problem. My son is in Grade 3. He is very smart. He took good marks in assessment also. But he is very very slow writer. He not finished his class work on time. So i am much worried about it. So can you help me how he become fast writer.Posted by - Aish on Oct. 28, 2008
When I talk to parents whose children are struggling with homework on a regular basis, I sense more of frustration at times than the urge to help. In such cases what ends up happening is that parents that are well versed with the subject, end up doing the homework for the child.This is the worst situation and the child never ends up learning the subject nor does he develop the urge or inclination to do things himself. Getting affordable 1-on-1 tutoring may be a good option in such cases. But parents should ensure that the tutors help students understand the subject well- the fundamental concepts and not just how to solve the problems.
Posted by - Terika on Oct. 15, 2008
I need some advise on helpin my 3rd grader to understand more bout classroom work please help.my email- laterika25@yahoo.com
Posted by - Jacquie Ross on Sep. 19, 2008
I agree that with all that we have to do, it is sometimes hard to stop what we're doing. But you don't always have to stop - just alter your activity.One thing I try to do is schedule my day so that I'm doing something in or near the area they are doing their homework (usually the kitchen table). Sometimes I may even be preparing dinner, or doing some work on my laptop nearby.
My elementary schooler likes me to be available, but my middle schooler does not always need me. However, it is nice to not feel stressed (or interrupted) if she wants to ask me a question or talk about events of the day.
It's really about managing your time, so that "quiet" work can be saved and completed during this time.
Posted by - Denae on Sep. 09, 2008
As a mother of 7 children, I know the demands that are placed on a parent. There are always many demands on our time, but with my youngest now 11 years old and starting his last year at the elementary school, I look back and reflect and my feelings are that even though there is always lots to do, it is more important to sit down, near the kids who are doing homework and do some still work ourselves. Kids aren't nearly as motivated by us telling them to go do their homework while we go play (watch t.v.) as when we sit down and read nearby, do our bank and home accounting, or other quiet jobs in the near vacinity. We want them to structure their time, and we can restructure ours to fit that if we realize how important it is. I realie it is a sacrifice, but one I feel is worth making. If a t.v. show can be recorded and played later, that can be helpful.Best wishes to all parents/jugglers (our #1 job)
Denae
Posted by - Crystal on Sep. 01, 2008
I agree with the other response. You can't just stop what you have going on and read a book. As a parent, we have things that we need to get done too: housework, other children, ect. I think that there should be a designated area to do homework where there are minimal distractions and where you have all your supplies. You should make it easier for your child to complete their homework but you shouldn't stop your schedule.Posted by - Angela Norton Tyler on Aug. 28, 2008
I agree that parents should turn off the TV in the same room as a child doing homework, but I do NOT agree that just because your child is doing homework, you can't watch TV in another room! I am an adult; I don't have to do what kids do. That being said, I feel very strongly that parents should create a homework friendly environment and teach their children how to be organized.http://www.family-homework-answers.com/homework-organization.html